Most of the onlookers were focused on the man in the middle whose name was Jesus. Great tension was in the air because this particular individual had led people to believe that He was the “Son of God” and true Messiah.
The crowds of believers were expecting a Divine showdown between Jesus and their Roman oppressors. But as they watched, they could see that Jesus was getting weaker and seemed unwilling to exert his divine authority on those who were mocking and torturing Him.
To speed things up, one Roman soldier thrust a spear into Jesus’ chest, then another gave him vinegar to drink. They had finally managed to piss Jesus off. This caused Jesus to completely “lose it!” Suddenly, with revived heavenly powers, Jesus ripped himself from the cross and began to kick the butts of all His antagonists.
The crowds roared with cheers. Their Savior was indeed serving up justice for the good people of the land.
After the whipping, the Crowds surrounded Jesus and with words of appreciation declaring their allegiance to their long awaited Messiah.
“Don’t thank me,” said Jesus as He cracked his knuckles. “Thank quantum mechanics.”
The people did not understand their Lord’s words and asked for an explanation. But the Lord said he would return with a full explanation.
“Why can’t you tell us more now?” asked one of the admirers in the crowd.
“You cannot bear these things now,” replied Jesus. Then the man from Bethlehem miraculously disappeared from sight.
Later, on the road to Emmaus, a couple of Jesus’ disciples were talking about the miraculous events that took place earlier. They were trying to fathom what Jesus meant by the words “quantum mechanics” and why they would not be able to bear a further explanation of this strange phrase.
Suddenly, Jesus appeared among them and offered to explain to them the special “secrets” concerning His earlier heroic actions. He told them that in the future, humankind would succeed in grasping the true foundational dynamics of creation with a theory called the “Many Worlds theory of Quantum Mechanics.” In this theory all quantum possibilities get to manifest themselves as measurement outcomes, but they do so in different worlds. This creates alternate realities. “So in one world I save humankind, in another I fail, and in yet another I live as a mere thug,” said Jesus with a mischievous smile.
The disciples looked at each other in complete amazement.
“That is why I said that you have ‘quantum mechanics’ to thank for your good luck,” added Jesus. “The world is a crapshoot and you fellows happen to live in a universe where the quantum dice allowed me to succeed in getting off the cross, cracking some heads, and showing people who is the real boss.”
Hearing these unexpected words from their Master caused one of the disciples to openly complain. “But how is this justice for all those other worlds where you fail in your divine mission?”
Jesus answered, “The only cosmic justice for an Infinite God, with Infinite potency, is to create a system whereby all possibilities can take place. It would not be a fair system in any other design.”
The faces of the disciples displayed real concern as they listened to their Lord’s odd words. “Surely you are pulling our leg,” said one of the disciples.
Jesus then fell to the ground in uncontrollable laughter. Holding His splitting sides He admitted that He had played a joke on them all by changing what they observed at the crucifixion event. He explained that this temporary mass hallucination was necessary to make an important point. Jesus then said that sometime in the future humankind would come under a different kind of hallucination. This hallucination would represent another, more serious, kind of oppression—consisting of false ideas and misconceived values. When stupid ideas like the Many Worlds theory of Quantum Physics someday capture the imagination of human hearts and minds, then it will be one of the signs that the end times have been put into motion.
“In the same way that I let you see me cracking some heads earlier, I will also make my return by again, cracking heads. But this next time I will do so spiritually, by challenging people’s fraudulent worldviews and revealing to those who care, new ideas about ultimate reality, both theologically and scientifically,” said Jesus, no longer laughing.