Although I am a follower of Emanuel Swedenborg’s theology, I even seem to be moving in a direction that is different than many “Swedenborgians.” You see, I am hiding a rotten person inside me and I wish to expose him to my daily consciousness—no matter what the cost!
Have I lost my way?
However, I think the confusion comes from how we interpret God’s LOVE. First of all, only God loves! Any genuine spiritual love (for others) that we manifest in life comes from God’s heavenly influence flowing into our hearts—not from ourselves! Therefore, our spiritual challenge is to find ways of getting more of this Divine loving influence into our lives.
Does that mean simply doing more good deeds or displaying more acts of kindness?
Swedenborg makes it clear that we are to first ask for the Lord God’s help in seeking out our inner rottenness and removing it from our lives. In proportion to the amount of personal crud we remove, we make room for God’s love to take hold.
But many people think that such self-examination leads to a negative experience and personal degradation. This means that finding the truth about oneself is to be avoided. Huh?
I feel that if I have ever accomplished anything real in my life it is in seeking out my flawed character traits (rottenness). In fact, this practice has come to provide me with real satisfaction and sincere humility.
I admit I had to acquire a taste for seeking out my personal delusions and fantasies. Looking to God for affirmation and self-worth is not what makes an angel an angel!