To resolve this feeling of inner emptiness, rather than making sincere personal changes, I decided I would write a very important book. It took me over thirty years to finally write the book (Proving God) and I learned a very painful fact along the way—I am an idiot. (I had no intentions of honestly exploring and addressing my flawed character traits. I just wanted to be thought of as smart.)
My amusing observation is that many people who have experienced failure in their personal lives suddenly decide to become experts or specialists in some field (including the ministry). The motive here is to become helpful to others. What is most strange about all this helpfulness is that such “experts” never seem to get any closer to solving their own deeper personal problems. They can dish out tons of advice but haven’t got a clue to finding their own genuine happiness.
There is a “disconnect” here. Our need to gain status, importance, fame and personal validation is often a ruse (and a cover-up).
I have come to know (after studying the ideas of Emanuel Swedenborg and George Gurdjieff) that the changes we are willing to make are mostly superficial and often don’t go deep enough.
The other problem is that we always rush to change how we are viewed by the world instead of how we are viewed by the Lord God and heaven’s angels—who are never fooled by external adaptations or efforts or high-sounding titles.
In the Seven Day Creation Story of Genesis, which symbolically addresses the steps of our spiritual evolution, we start off as a “void.” In other words, the process of genuine personal transformation doesn’t begin unless we can get some sense of our own nothingness. So if we decide to become experts at something, before addressing our own inner realities, we will remain empty.
And no real or lasting change will result. As Gurdjieff would say, “Celebrity is less than smoke.”